DBT Skills Toolkit · Rooted In Hope Therapy

Welcome to your toolkit

DBT is built on a dialectic — two truths held at once: you are doing the best you can right now, and you can learn skills to do better. The colored bar at the top is your reminder. Everything saved here stays on this device; use Export anytime to back up or share with your therapist.

How intense is your distress right now?

0 · calm100 · overwhelmed

This tool supports your therapy — it doesn't replace it. In crisis: open the Crisis Kit tab, contact your therapist, or call/text 988.

MODULE 1

Mindfulness

The skill of being where you are — so Emotion Mind doesn't drive without you noticing.

Wise Mind: three states of mind

Emotion Mind — ruled by feelings and urges. "I have to text them right now or I'll explode."

Reasonable Mind — ruled by facts and logic, feelings shut out. "Just look at the data."

Wise Mind — the overlap. "I'm hurt and angry, AND firing off this text at 2 a.m. won't get me what I need." A quiet, centered knowing.

The WHAT skills — what you do

OObserve

Notice your experience through your senses without reacting. Watch thoughts and feelings come and go like clouds. Try: the 2-minute timer below — notice 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you feel.

DDescribe

Put words on what you observe — facts only. "My chest is tight," not "I'm falling apart." Label thoughts as thoughts: "A thought that I'm being rejected just showed up."

PParticipate

Throw yourself fully into one activity — washing dishes, dancing, singing. When your mind drifts, gently return. All of you, in one thing.

The HOW skills — how you do it

NNon-judgmentally

Stick to facts; drop "good/bad," "stupid," "should." Catch one self-judgment today and restate it: "I made a mistake" instead of "I'm an idiot." Judging yourself for judging counts too — just notice and let go.

1One-mindfully

One thing at a time with full attention. Multitasking feeds Emotion Mind. Try one meal this week with no phone, no TV.

EEffectively

Do what works, not what feels "fair" or proves a point. Ask: "What is my goal here — and is what I'm about to do moving me toward it?"

2-minute Observe timer

Press start, settle in, and just notice — sights, sounds, sensations. No fixing, no judging.

2:00

Finding Wise Mind — a recent strong urge or decision

Emotion Mind said: Reasonable Mind said: Wise Mind says:

MODULE 2

Distress Tolerance

Crisis survival skills: for when pain is intense, the problem can't be solved right now, and acting on urges would make it worse. Every wave peaks and falls — usually within 20–30 minutes if we don't re-trigger it.

STOP — before anything else

SStop

Freeze. Don't move a muscle. Don't react. Your emotions want to drive — don't hand them the keys.

TTake a step back

Physically step away if you can. One slow breath. Get a beat of distance.

OObserve

What is happening inside me and around me? Just the facts.

PProceed mindfully

Ask Wise Mind: which action makes this better, and which makes it worse? Then act — on purpose.

TIPP — change your body chemistry fast

When emotion is at an 8, 9, or 10, thinking skills are offline. TIPP works on the body first.

TTemperature

Cool water on your face, or a cool washcloth over eyes and cheekbones for 30 seconds while holding your breath — this triggers the body's natural calming reflex. (Check with your doctor first if you have any heart condition.)

IIntense exercise

10–15 minutes of movement that raises your heart rate — fast walk, jumping jacks, stairs. Burn the adrenaline the emotion produced.

PPaced breathing

Exhale longer than you inhale: in for 4, out for 7. Five minutes. The long exhale tells your nervous system the emergency is over. Use the guide below.

PPaired muscle relaxation

Tense one muscle group as you inhale; release completely as you exhale and say "relax." Move through the body.

Paced breathing guide

Ready

My distraction & soothing menu

Build it now, while calm. It saves automatically — and the home-screen check-in will hand it back to you when distress runs high.

ACCEPTS — activities, contributing, comparisons, other emotions, pushing away, thoughts, sensations. My go-to distractions: Self-soothe with five senses — my menu: IMPROVE — imagery, meaning, prayer, relaxation, one thing, vacation, encouragement. My version:

Pros & Cons of acting on an urge

Be honest in every box — urges DO have short-term pros. Naming them is what makes the cons believable.

The urge:

Pros of acting on it

Cons of acting on it

Pros of resisting (using skills)

Cons of resisting

Radical Acceptance

Pain is unavoidable; suffering = pain + non-acceptance. Acceptance is not approval, forgiveness, or giving up — it's refusing to spend your life arguing with what already happened, so your energy is free to respond to it. And it isn't a one-time decision: notice when you've drifted into "this shouldn't be happening," and gently turn back — "It is happening. What now?"

Something in my life that is hard to accept: What fighting this reality has cost me: What might change with even 10% more acceptance:

MODULE 3

Emotion Regulation

Emotions are messengers, not enemies. The goal is never to eliminate them — it's to make sure the message fits the situation, and the volume knob works.

Emotion lookup: does it fit the facts?

Pick the emotion you're feeling:

Check the Facts

Emotions react to our interpretation of events at least as much as to the events themselves. Work the steps, then read the verdict box.

The emotion I'm checking, and its intensity (0–100): 1 · The prompting event — facts only, what a camera would record: 2 · My interpretations, thoughts, and assumptions about it: 3 · The threat or catastrophe I'm assuming — and how likely it really is. Other possible outcomes: 4 · If the worst did happen, how would I cope? 5 · Does my emotion (and its intensity) fit the actual facts?

Opposite Action

Every emotion carries an action urge. Acting on the urge feeds the emotion; acting opposite — all the way, with face, voice, posture, and behavior — turns it down. Use only when the emotion doesn't fit the facts or acting on it would make things worse.

The emotion & intensity (0–100): What it's urging me to do: My opposite action — specifically: Intensity after acting opposite (0–100):

PLEASE — daily vulnerability check

A body running on empty makes every emotion bigger. Check off what you've covered today; it resets each morning.

PhysicaL illness — treated; medication taken as prescribed

Eating — balanced, regular meals today

Avoided mood-altering substances

Sleep — got (or am planning) 7–9 hours

Exercise — moved my body today

ABC — build a life with more good in it

Accumulate positives · Build mastery (one slightly-hard thing daily) · Cope ahead (rehearse the hard moment in advance, vividly).

Three pleasant activities I'll schedule this week: A situation I'll cope ahead for — and exactly how I'll handle it skillfully:

MODULE 4

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Every interaction carries three goals: your objective (DEAR MAN), the relationship (GIVE), and your self-respect (FAST). You rarely get 100% of all three — know your priority before you speak.

DEAR MAN script builder

Fill in each piece for a real upcoming conversation. The builder assembles your script — rehearse it out loud.

Who, and about what? Describe — just the facts: Express — "I feel...": Assert — my clear ask (or clear no): Reinforce — what's in it for them: If they push back, I'll stay Mindful by:

While you deliver it

MStay Mindful

Broken record: calmly repeat your ask. Ignore attacks and bait — responding to them hands over the steering wheel.

AAppear confident

Eye contact, steady voice, upright posture — even if you don't feel it. No whispering, no apologizing for having needs.

NNegotiate

Give to get. Turn the tables: "What part of this could work for you?"

GIVE — protecting the relationship

Gentle (no attacks, threats, eye-rolls) · Interested (listen, don't interrupt) · Validate ("I can see why you'd feel that way") · Easy manner (a little warmth and humor go far).

FAST — protecting your self-respect

Fair to them AND to you · Apologies — no excessive ones · Stick to your values · Truthful (no exaggerating, no helplessness you don't feel).

For sensitive hearts: if you fear that saying no will make people leave, notice the fear, validate it — it usually has a history — and check the facts. Relationships that survive only when you have no needs aren't being protected by your silence. DEAR MAN spoken kindly is how relationships get stronger.

TRACK

Weekly Diary Card

Two minutes each evening. Rate 0–5 (0 = not at all, 5 = extremely strong). It saves automatically — Export or Print before session to share with your therapist.

Each day

This week I want my therapist to know:

SUPPORT

My Crisis Kit

Right now, if you're in danger of hurting yourself: call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7) · text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line) · or call 911 / go to the nearest emergency room. Then let your therapist know.

Fill this plan out with your therapist while you're calm. In a hard moment, start at Step 1 and work down. You don't have to feel better for the plan to be working — you only have to get through the moment safely.

Step 1 · My early warning signs (thoughts, feelings, body cues, behaviors): Step 2 · Skills I'll try first, on my own: Step 3 · People & places that help me feel grounded (even without talking about it): Step 4 · People I can ask for help (name & number): Step 5 · My professionals: One reason to get through today (and tomorrow):